George R.R. Martin (GRRM because I'm lazy) is a genius, an old genius who is most likely going to die before he ever finishes writing this series. I mean, come on, there are thousands of blogs telling you that if you don't write faster, we're going to have to form a mob and force you to write by any means necessary. But I digress, here is a list of ten reasons ASOIAF is the best book series I've ever read.
10. Best Bad Guys:
Joffrey is the hugest douche in seven kingdoms full of douches. I am so glad he dies in a terribly painful way before getting to bone Margaery. By the time this inbred monster became king, I wanted to set him on fire, with or without dragons. My hatred (and yours, if you're a human) burned so hot that words don't even exist for me to be able to explain it.
9. Best Good Guys:
I get it. Tyrion is a Lannister and they're supposed to be evil, but damn do I love him. He is my third favorite character (Arya and Dany, respectively). He says and does what he wants, others be damned. Dany is so loving and warm that I just want to be friends with her, I would clean out the dragon pit to hang out with her (no, no I wouldn't). Flip it on its ear, and she is a complete bad ass if you piss her off. She is the blood of the dragon and she will dracarys on you if you mess with her.
8. Bad Guys Who Become Good Guys:
The Hound. I love him. Seriously, the dude deserves your respect for being burned ON HIS FACE as a child by a sadistic older brother and turning out to be a decent human being. He is kind to Sansa, when she most definitely does not deserve it. (The whole war is her fault, her father's death and subsequent death of everyone, at least once, is her fault.) He saves Arya even when he knows that she wants him dead. Then, there is Jaime Lannister. I hated Jaime, he pushed Bran off of a tower just because he couldn't keep his little lion out of his sister, he stabs Ned in the leg, and is just a general dickbag for about three books. But then... enter Brienne, ugly, homely, fantasticly scary Brienne, and he keeps her from being raped, steps in when she is fighting a bear with a wooden stick, and they fall in love (gonna happen, I'm calling it right now). She makes him more human, more lovable.
7. Fucking Dragons:
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS.
6. Relationship Dynamics:
If you didn't fall in love with Khal Drogo when he first had sex with Dany, you're definitely jaded. That was a beautiful scene. There aren't the only ones though, Ned and Catelyn had a wonderful relationship. Tyrion is very understanding of Sansa's reluctance to be with him. GRRM understands relationships, which is insane if you look at him.
5. Lots and Lots of Sexytime:
Everyone has sex with everyone. There is SO MUCH SEX. It's like Fifty Shades of Grey, but with kinkier sex and less suck.
4. Character Development:
The Onion Knight, specifically, has a very dramatic character arc throughout the series. Other characters do as well, but his is the most obvious.
3. Everyone Dies, but Then Un-dies:
Let's make a list, shall we? Bran, Rickon, Catelyn, Arya, Tyrion, Theon, The Hound, Aegon. Those are just the ones I can think of without actually doing any research. You're lead to believe they are dead, you mourn them, then BAM! GRRM brings them back and only one of them is a zombie.
2. It Evokes Emotion From the Reader:
Think about when Ned died, did you cry? I did. I cried so much. I cried when I thought Bran died. I cried during the Red Wedding. I cried when Sam and Gilly had sex. I just cried through the whole series. I got angry when Tyrion was accused of murder and when Cersei got locked up in the tower. I felt like I was there, with the characters.
1. It Actually Surprises Me:
I read A LOT and I don't get surprised very often because most stories have already been told. When Petyr pushed Lady Arryn out of the giant sky hole (imagery, amirite?), I was genuinely surprised. GRRM killed off his main character in the first book of a huge epic series, it's just not done, by anyone, ever. His writing catches me off guard and makes reading it more enjoyable.
Now, GRRM, go write something. And stop talking about bacon and trenchers. It's weird.
Also, if you don't explain who Coldhands is (I think he's Benjen), where Benjen is (if he isn't Coldhands), and who the hell Jon Snow's parents are (obviously, Rhaegar and Lyanna), I'm going to lose my damn mind. Stop taunting us and just drop some truth on us. We can handle it. I'm not kidding about that mob.
No comments:
Post a Comment